I Lost My Faith. You Gave Me Hemoroids. Now I Can't Eat Tortillas.

I have TRIED not to comment on a trial that is being held here in Houston. It all goes back to an incident that occurred three years ago on a Continental flight.

Here is my summation:

• Joel Osteen and his wife Vicki board a Continental flight to Vail, Colorado, U.S.A.
• Vicki sees some liquid on her First Class seat arm rest and asks flight attendant Sharon Brown to clean it up.
• An argument ensues for whatever reason.
• Sharon says Vicki pushed her on her way to the cockpit to ask the captain to intervene.
• Vicki, Joel and family leave the plane.
• Houston Chronicle and other media sources report breaking news.
• Time passes and no criminal charges are filed.
• Vicki pays some sort of FAA fine because she tried to get to the cockpit.
• Sharon loses her faith in her church and gets hemorrhoids and blames it on Vicki.
• Life goes on for Vicki and Joel.
• Sharon decides that she wants 10% of Vicki's net worth because she lost her faith and got hemorroids.
• Trial started this past week in Houston, Texas home of crazy women: Anna Nicole Smith; Clara Harris (ran over her cheating husband with a Mercedes); Lisa Nowak (astronaut who drove to Orlando in a wig and a diaper to knock-off her boyfriend's other love interest); Wanda Holloway (the cheerleader's mom who was going to knock-off the mother of another cheerleader); Barbara Bush (who said that the people of New Orleans were better off living in the Astrodome after Hurricane Katrina); and just for fun, home of the Super Bowl that flashed Janet Jackson's titty and the world came to a stand still in prime time because we just don't do that on the telly. We got the crazy women I tell ya! EDIT: I remembered one other crazy woman here in Houston, Andrea Yates. She drowned her five children.
• Vicki says that just like Str8 Up With A Twist, I use my hands when I talk and I touch people. I was just being me.

OK. If you're going to lose your faith after getting shoved by a preacher's wife...honey, that faith was on thin ice to begin with!

Let me say something. I'm Roman Catholic and proud of it. This is the religion that instigated the Spanish Inquisition. We produced the Crusades. We sent the missionaries to America to indoctrinate the Native Americans to our religion. We didn't intervene during the Holocaust. We have endured priest molestation charges.

I went to twelve years of Catholic school where the nuns, brothers and priests were the final word and there was no arguing. If they said it, then so be it. So if anyone should lose faith and have hemorrhoids, it is me.

And believe it or not, I ain't filing a lawsuit against anybody and I still try to attend Sunday Mass every Sunday. Do you see ME filing suit because I get acid indigestion? No! I have a cocktail and get over it.

There needs to be some type of control over who can sue and who can't sue. The fact that criminal charges were never filed and this has ended up in a civil court says quite a bit. Somebody wants some money. Just sayin'.

So what does this have to do with tortillas?

Well...Friday night at Olympus Goes Olympic, someone was talking about Kaye Sedilla. I heard him say that Kaye Sedilla molested him on the patio of Rich's two years ago during Miss Mint Julep. He said that when it was over his face was smeared with Kaye Sedilla's lipstick and his shirt had been stripped off of him. (Kaye Sedilla does love a man with a hairy chest.)

I heard this person say that after that incident he can no longer eat tortillas.

Kaye, if you're reading this...you might slapped with a lawsuit in civil court because someone can no longer eat tortillas thanks to you. Might be time for you to start asking Joel Osteen to pray for you! And while you're at it, hire Rusty Hardin. Just sayin'.