Recuerdo

Today is World AIDS Day. A day to remind people that the HIV virus and AIDS is still with us. A day to remind people to get tested. A day to remind people to be careful. A day to remind people to get involved in the fight. A day to remember.

I went to a small Catholic school in Ft. Worth. I attended there for grades 1 - 8. Pretty much everyone I started with in the 1st grade I graduated with in the 8th grade. There were some people who didn't stay the entire 8 years and some who joined us after the 1st grade. So you see, it was a very tight knit group of classmates for 8 years.

Derek started the 1st grade with me. I think he may have left the school after the 6th or 7th grade. I know he wasn't with us in the 8th grade. I lost contact with Derek but I knew that he still lived in the school's neighborhood. My parents knew his parents. Some of my friends were his cousins. I always knew Derek was around.

Derek died of AIDS at a very early age. I can't remember the year that he died but I doubt that he lived to see the age of 30. Derek was the first person I knew of to be HIV+ and to die of AIDS

Two years ahead of me was a guy named David. Like Derek, David was a really nice guy. David died of AIDS in his early 30s.

I remember sitting at my parents' dinner table and my sister was talking about David's funeral. They were classmates. My mother made the comment that it didn't matter to her about a person's lifestyle, no one deserved to die at such a young age and she couldn't imagine having to bury one of her children. Children should outlive their parents.

Not too many years after David's death, HIV/AIDS would claim another friend of the family. My brother had a friend named Troy. Troy was a ball of energy and lived life to it's fullest. When Troy started suffering from complications of AIDS my brother was there by his side to help in anyway that he could.

I'm not sure but I think Troy died at the age of 30, if not younger. If I remember correctly, my brother helped Troy plan his funeral. I do remember that one of the songs that Troy wanted sung at his graveside is a Tejano song by Ruben Ramos (or maybe Alfonso Ramos). The English translation says something like, "Don't bring your tears and your flowers to my funeral. Bring your laughter and your memories." Troy's request was honored at his graveside.

Then there was Andy. OMG. Why I didn't meet him sooner in my life I don't know?! LOL Andy is another one who lived life to its fullest.

Andy was a good friend of my good friend Lyndon. I always heard about Andy but never met him until JazzFest in New Orleans and then the circumstances of the meeting were a bit odd. This was in April of 1994.

I flew in from Lubbock to New Orleans on a Friday. Lyndon was supposed to meet me and then we were going to an apartment in the French Quarter where Andy and his friend Bob were already staying.

Lyndon had a family emergency and couldn't make it. I show up in New Orleans with a week's worth of luggage and I have never met Andy or Bob.

When I get to the apartment on Royal Street, I see a guy leaning against a lampost staring at me with all of my luggage. He walks up to me and says, "You must be Tim. I heard about you and your luggage." My options were: a) make friends real fast with Andy and Bob; b) call friends in NOLA and find out if I could stay with them; c) go back to Houston.

Andy, Bob and I chose option A. It was one of the most fun weekends I have ever had in NOLA. For example, I remember Andy and I were at Parade upstairs at The Pub and I decided around 200A that we needed to have an underwear party. So I convinced him that he and I needed to strip down to our boxer briefs and we got everyone else to join us. We danced the morning away.

Andy is on the left. I ran into Shelly at Jazzfest. Had not seen her in a few years. That's me with hair. And Bob is on the right. Sorry for the quality but I was afraid to take this out of the frame and have the whole thing fall apart.

Even though Andy lived in Atlanta I kept in touch with him and kept promising that I was coming to the ATL for a visit. I almost waited too late.

In an odd way, I found out in September of 1995 that Andy was fighting AIDS. I decided I was going to the ATL. As it turned out, he planned a weekend at a HUGE cabin up in the mountains near the Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee borders. There were about 8 of us. The only person I knew was Andy.

It was a fun weekend. For instance, before we left we each had to model women's once piece bathing suits and NO I'm not posting those pics. :-)

The extended weekend gave me the chance to talk with Andy face-to-face and as it turns out, that was the last time I saw him. He died in 1996. I believe he was 37 at the time.

To this day, I think I see him every now and then. I remember one day I was driving up San Jacinto from the Medical Center and I looked in the rearview mirror. Behind me was a guy who looked like Andy and was driving a BMW convertible like Andy's and was playing with his hair like Andy. I looked again in the rearview mirror and he was gone.

There have been other people in my life who have battled HIV and have lost. I have friends who are living productive lives with the virus but I know it hasn 't been easy. So now you know some of the other reasons I've been involved with World AIDS Day Houston.

And he was the first friend I lost to AIDS. There have since been others, and there will be more. But there is a large bookmark at the place in my life where he died. It marks one place where I grew up, where I was shaken from the occasional conceit that maybe this is all not real, where I was rudely reminded how harsh life can be. -Dale Carpenter

World AIDS Day - Dec. 1

www.worldaidsdayhouston.org