"Better have you naked by the end of this song"

So things didn't go as planned this morning with my Saturday run. The plan was to go to Memorial Park and do 7 miles or so.

I got up this morning and walked The Calvinator then got ready to go to Memorial Park. I had put on a pair of shorts that I hadn't worn in awhile and me and my happy @ss were off to the park. And just in case you're wondering, I was wearing my Crocs.

So I get to the park, put on the running shoes, slather on some Body Glide on the thighs, put on the iPod nano and tried to determine if it was shirtless running weather 'cause the humidity was feeling really high. Figuring that I'd prolly have to lose the shirt (which running shirtless has nothing to do with being vain and trying to show off...it's more about scaring people...I mean being hot and uncomfortable) at some point, I decided to just say "f__ it" and if people go blind, well so be it.

I do my ritual pee, take a swig of H2O and off I go. Everything is fine until about the 1 1/2 mile marker. (I won't comment on the people who decided to use ME as their pacer and wouldn't get off my @ss.)

Right around 1 1/2 miles the shorts start to slip. It is then that I remember why I haven't worn these shorts in a long time. When they get wet (from sweat or rain or both), they start to slip down. So here I am running and wondering what kind of a show I'm giving to the people behind me. If you read in the headlines today that there is a crack problem at Memorial Park, you'll know that they're talking about ME!

Now I'm regretting not wearing a shirt 'cause at least the shirt would give me some coverage. I'm trying to figure out what to do 'cause I could only run for about 30 seconds before I'd have to pull the shorts up. I get to the 2 mile marker, grab some water and think, "This ain't so bad. I can do this."

Rather than do 1 more mile, I decide to do 2 more. Big mistake. The slippage only gets worse...and you see it only happens when I run not when I walk. I just wanted this to be over with so I kept running and pulling up the shorts.

I guess at one point I must have pulled them up too high or they were too low 'cause I noticed people running toward were staring at me and they weren't looking at my face; they were looking around the waist line.

Now I'm thinking, "What do I have in The Cal Mobile that will keep the shorts up?'' Nothing. So, now I'm just trying to finish and for some odd reason I think of Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake singing Rock Your Body at Reliant Stadium during the Super Bowl and her wardrobe malfunction.

See how my mind works? You should all be afraid of me!!!!

Anywho, I finished 4 miles, cooled down and went home. The shorts are now in the trash can.

Speaking of running, I haven't been doing weights very much or spinning and I'm feeling really guilty and fat. These guilt trips are from 12 years of Catholic school. ;-)